Show business is the most transient business there is. By its very nature it requires people to work intimately with each other, yet, by that very same nature, it seems to doom any lasting attachments, or commitments, with few exceptions.

After weeks of rehearsals and weeks –or months- of performances, a feeling of closeness evolves between cast members in a show that is nearly as close as the bonds of family. After all, a cast is sort of a family with the stars or director playing parental roles. There is nothing sadder than a closing a night when one realizes that the family bonds have ended. After the tearful and loving goodbyes, actors tend to drift apart. It is only natural. Perhaps they will see each other at auditions, and perhaps some of them will work together in some other vehicle, but most of them will be little more than memories.

In order to emotionally and psychologically survive, the actor learns to become desensitized to the repeated trauma of transitory relationships. But what about the bonds between teacher and student- a stronger, and more demanding bond than that of actor and actor.

Teachers, like parents are the only people that have an obligation to allow their progeny to learn to become independent of them. This is a hard thing to do. A dedicated teacher a lot emotionally invested in his or her students. A good teacher loves to teach and desires someone who equally desires to learn. Obviously this requires an openness and honesty that creates a vulnerability in both parties. When it becomes necessary for the relationship to terminate there is a bound to be pain. Minimizing that pain is what this article is about. We all face that moment when we have to take our leave of someone who has played some part in shaping our careers. Her are some considerations in healing what might become painful wounds.

1.)If Financial Considerations are the reason for terminating or lessons, by all means let your teacher know it. No one wants to be abandoned. Teachers are not in it only for the money. If you’ve had a good relationship with your teacher assure him or her that is the only reason interrupting your lessons.

2.) If you feel you’ve outgrown your teacher, use tact in communicating that fact. Some teachers may not be aware that they can no longer provide what it is you need. Do not just drop out of sight and end what should be a warm relationship. Write a note. Leave a door open by writing a lovely thank you letter praising all the good you’ve gotten from your teacher. Gratitude and honest praise is the greatest gift one person can give another. It can prevent bitterness before it has a chance to start.

3.)If something bothers you about what you’re getting from your teacher, it is important to clear the air before the situation and relationship deteriorates and becomes unsalvageable. If you are not up to a face to face encounter then by all means put it in a letter. If you get no response you can assume that you weren’t important enough to your mentor to begin with. At least you will feel no guilt in leaving.


Sometimes growing is only possible through going, and it is equally important for the teacher to allow this gift to his or her students. In my early days of teaching classes I would feel a terrible sense of loss when a student went out of my life. Then I finally realized that the Universe demands that we grow, evolve and participate in something greater and better than we have been and known before. Once I accepted this I began to see that each succeeding class of students not only replaced, but surpassed those whom had left. My current students have so much more to offer me than those I started out with. I find I am constantly learning from them, and becoming aware of newer demands and requirements of the profession. My advice to all teachers is to bless your students when they leave, and wish them well. New students will always replace them bringing you new ideas and fresh insights. Learning how to say goodbye is really preparing you, whether teacher or student, for an opportunity of saying hello to new, wonderful, exciting possibilities just waiting in the wings to help you evolve and grow. To quote Jerry Herman: “If your heart has ‘I don’t want to go’ in it…say goodbye with a little ‘hello’ in it…”